Guys.
There’s fanfiction about the Bible.
wat.
(there’s incest, b/b, all this shit that’s “banned” in the Bible.)
sanatorium: an institute
"The mind is its own place, and in itself
Can make a heav'n of hell, a hell of heav'n." -John Milton, Paradise Lost.
Alya. Find me here, in this little space of the internet, and a book.
If you need a shoulder, I've got two.
Can make a heav'n of hell, a hell of heav'n." -John Milton, Paradise Lost.
Alya. Find me here, in this little space of the internet, and a book.
If you need a shoulder, I've got two.
~ Saturday, May 26 ~
The following quotations are taken from official court records across the nation, showing how funny and embarrassing it is that recorders operate at all times in courts of law, so that even the slightest inadvertence is preserved for posterity.
- Lawyer: "Was that the same nose you broke as a child?"
- Witness: "I only have one, you know."
- -----
- Lawyer: "Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?"
- Witness: "By death."
- Lawyer: "And by whose death was it terminated?"
- -----
- Accused, Defending His Own Case: "Did you get a good look at my face when I took your purse?"
- The defendant was found guilty and sentenced to ten years in jail.
- -----
- Lawyer: "What is your date of birth?"
- Witness: "July 15th."
- Lawyer: "What year?"
- Witness: "Every year."
- -----
- Lawyer: "What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?"
- Witness: "Gucci sweats and Reeboks."
- -----
- Lawyer: "Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like?"
- Witness: "No. He was wearing a mask."
- Lawyer: "What was he wearing under the mask?"
- Witness: "Er...his face."
- -----
- Lawyer: "This myasthenia gravis -- does it affect your memory at all?"
- Witness: "Yes."
- Lawyer: "And in what ways does it affect your memory?"
- Witness: "I forget."
- Lawyer: "You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?"
- -----
- Lawyer: "How old is your son, the one living with you?"
- Witness: "Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which."
- Lawyer: "How long has he lived with you?"
- Witness: "Forty-five years."
- -----
- Lawyer: "What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?"
- Witness: "He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'"
- Lawyer: "And why did that upset you?"
- Witness: "My name is Susan."
- -----
- Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
- Witness: "No."
- Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
- Witness: "No."
- Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"
- Witness: "No."
- Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
- Witness: "No."
- Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
- Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
- Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
- Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."
- -----
- Lawyer: "What happened then?"
- Witness: "He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.'"
- Lawyer: "Did he kill you?"
- Witness: "No."
- -----
- Lawyer: "Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man--"
- Witness: "Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment."
- -----
- Lawyer: "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"
- -----
- Lawyer: "So you were gone until you returned?"
- -----
- Lawyer: "The youngest son, the 20 year old, how old is he?"
- -----
- Lawyer: "Were you alone or by yourself?"
- -----
- Witness: "He was about medium height and had a beard."
- Lawyer: "Was this a male or a female?"
- -----
- Lawyer: "I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture."
- Witness: "That's me."
- Lawyer: "Were you present when that picture was taken?"
- -----
- Lawyer: "Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?"
- -----
- Lawyer: "Do you know how far pregnant you are now?"
- Witness: "I'll be three months on November 8."
- Lawyer: "Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?"
- Witness: "Yes."
- Lawyer: "What were you doing at that time?"
- -----
- Lawyer: "She had three children, right?"
- Witness: "Yes."
- Lawyer: "How many were boys?"
- Witness: "None."
- Lawyer: "Were there girls?"
- -----
- Lawyer: "You say that the stairs went down to the basement?"
- Witness: "Yes."
- Lawyer: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"
- -----
- Lawyer: "What is your brother-in-law's name?"
- Witness: "Borofkin."
- Lawyer: "What's his first name?"
- Witness: "I can't remember."
- Lawyer: "He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first name?"
- Witness: "No. I tell you, I'm too excited." (rising and pointing to his brother-in-law) "Nathan, for heaven's sake, tell them your first name!"
- -----
- Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?"
- Witness: "I refuse to answer that question.
- Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?"
- Witness: "I refuse to answer that question.
- Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?"
- Witness: "No."
- -----
- Lawyer: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
- Witness: "All my autopsies have been performed on dead people."
- -----
- Lawyer: "Were you acquainted with the deceased?"
- Witness: "Yes sir."
- Lawyer: "Before or after he died?"
- -----
- Lawyer: "When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?"
- Other Lawyer: "Objection. That question should be taken out and shot."
- -----
- Lawyer: "And what did he do then?"
- Witness: "He came home, and next morning he was dead."
- Lawyer: "So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?"
- -----
- Lawyer: "Could you see him from where you were standing?"
- Witness: "I could see his head."
- Lawyer: "And where was his head?"
- Witness: "Just above his shoulders."
- -----
- Lawyer: "Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?"
- Witness: "The victim lived."
28,230 notes
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Words Used to Describe Genitals
So at one point someone suggested we start a list of words used in fanfiction to describe genitals. After a particularly great Twilight fic was submitted, I decided to start that list, and Im providing what the phrase is describing. It will be updated as more words and phrases are found.
4,854 notes
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Anonymous asked: WOW @ tumblrdatinggame(.)com WTF is this.. my little brother's roommate is on this and I think I saw you too lol
orly.
~ Friday, May 25 ~
WANT/NEED.
SCREW THNEEDS, I NEED ME ONE OF THESE.
the first one omg.
I would paint that room to look like Narnia ffnsjdnfjsjdnf
(Source: theperfectnook)
96,073 notes
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~ Thursday, May 24 ~
~ Wednesday, May 23 ~
shoutout to fanfiction.net for having the same layout since the beginning of time
13,355 notes
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I had to do more research because this blew my mind. I found this article on Crack.com
One of the defining silver screen sex symbols, Rita Hayworth was born with the much less American-sounding name, Margarita Carmen Cansino.
She was raised in a Spanish dance family, and spent much of her childhood dancing in bars (see? It’s totally a legitimate way to raise a kid.) After Hayworth, er, Cansino’s father moved the family to Hollywood, the 16-year-old signed with Fox studios. She tried a few minor roles, but never got her big break. Fox studios decided not to renew her option.
The Metamorphosis:
Columbia Pictures came along and, not being much for political correctness, pretty much told Cansino that her lack of success was due to her being way too Spanish-y. So, Cansino agreed to go along with a few surgical processes, such as:
A. Painful Hairline Electrolysis
Cansino had a low hairline, which pegged her as a Latina. This is the same discrimination which kept Vega out of the World Warrior tournament, until he wore a mask to conceal his hairline.
Cansino submitted to getting electric shocks to kill her follicles and stop them from growing. Keep in mind this is the 1930s, when “anaesthesiology” usually meant “stroking your hand while you chugged from a flask of bourbon.” Next time you have a hot hair curler or a live wire, poke yourself in the forehead with it several hundred times. Now you’re as pretty as Rita Hayworth… well, not yet, you still need some…
B. Skin Lightening
Now that you’ve got fresh shock marks on your forehead, scrub them with this bleach solution. That’s exactly what Cansino did, all over her entire body. Skin lightening is a dangerously unregulated practice even now, but it was significantly worse 70 years ago. But, Cansino wasn’t done yet, before she signed with Columbia, she also had to have a…
C. Hair Color and Name Change
Carmen Cansino became Rita Hayworth. Her dark hair was died auburn. The transformation complete, Rita Hayworth now looked Saltine enough for Columbia:
Not five years before, the young immigrant’s daughter was dancing in smoky bars for coins. After her “honky-fication,” she became the hottest thing in sanctioned Armed Forces self-pleasure. A picture of her kneeling on a bed in a nightgown sold 5 million copies. Her likeness was fashioned on the side of atomic bombs.
Columbia starred Hayworth in many successful pictures, most notably, Gilda. Rita Hayworth found herself dancing with stars like Fred Astaire and Gene Kelly. Eventually, she settled down and married a prince.
The next time somebody tells you the path to success is “just be yourself,” tell them Rita’s inspirational story. It’s all about skin-bleaching.
Read more: 5 Celebrity Careers Launched by Ethnic Makeovers | Cracked.com http://www.cracked.com/article_17501_5-celebrity-careers-launched-by-ethnic-makeovers.html#ixzz1tm0jzRI7
Read more: 5 Celebrity Careers Launched by Ethnic Makeovers | Cracked.com http://www.cracked.com/article_17501_5-celebrity-careers-launched-by-ethnic-makeovers.html#ixzz1tm0dTPrz
Read more: 5 Celebrity Careers Launched by Ethnic Makeovers | Cracked.com http://www.cracked.com/article_17501_5-celebrity-careers-launched-by-ethnic-makeovers.html#ixzz1tm0UvPlt
Read more: 5 Celebrity Careers Launched by Ethnic Makeovers | Cracked.com http://www.cracked.com/article_17501_5-celebrity-careers-launched-by-ethnic-makeovers.html#ixzz1tm0DkB95Woah. Those 2 pics look nothing alike. Wow
I can’t believe people didn’t know this? It’s been generally known stuff about Rita for years…
I have had this picture open in a tag for weeks, so I figured I’d reblog it. Just, the contrast…perform a hugely painful and utter transformation of yourself: it’s scary to think that’s what women are asked to do.
its scary to think that’s what popular women of color are forced to do to assimilate into white culture.
dont think this is a simple case of “go on a diet and you’ll be famous!”
this a complete erasure of this woman’s race so she’d appear more white.
Santoine: I think we reblogged this before, but here it is again
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![thebestteacher:
imfromthewatertribe:
geekdonnatroy:
masterarrowhead:
delicioustrap:
dreammaker-heartbreaker:
benditlikekorra:
chongthenomad:
yournewavatar:
airbendingsaviour:
foggyswamptahno:
divine-bender:
…. I feel old.
[[Ohmygod, no it wasn’t. I was 13 when ATLA came out?]]
*sobs violently*
………………….no.
no
no
No
No
NO
NO.
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
I was 11 O_O
Thank you, childhood. You were great ♥
holy shit I was fucking 11
FUCKING 11.
Thank you so much, A:TLA
I was 12 just like Aang and this show made my childhood the absolute best. And now I’m just an old person enjoying the Avatar-verse all over again with Legend of Korra.
Let’s embrace the fact that we’re village elders!
I was 13, omg I feel old D:
but it was the best 4 years of my life as a teen
and now Korra is helping me at my adulthood
I was 11…… Wow….
Actually, this was seventy-seven years ago. It’s a holiday in the city.](http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4gcdq2lF31r9oqw3o1_500.jpg)
…. I feel old.
[[Ohmygod, no it wasn’t. I was 13 when ATLA came out?]]
*sobs violently*
………………….no.
no
no
No
No
NO
NO.
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
I was 11 O_O
Thank you, childhood. You were great ♥
holy shit I was fucking 11
FUCKING 11.
Thank you so much, A:TLA
I was 12 just like Aang and this show made my childhood the absolute best. And now I’m just an old person enjoying the Avatar-verse all over again with Legend of Korra.
Let’s embrace the fact that we’re village elders!
I was 13, omg I feel old D:
but it was the best 4 years of my life as a teen
and now Korra is helping me at my adulthood
I was 11…… Wow….
Actually, this was seventy-seven years ago. It’s a holiday in the city.
5,134 notes
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~ Tuesday, May 22 ~
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
I searched Shia LeBeouf in soundcloud and found this.
i won’t rest until everyone listens to this
wtf is this i am crying
WTF DID I JUST LISTEN TO? LOL. I am DYING.
113,554 notes
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“
Men who want to flirt with women have to realize: Women live in a state of continual vigilance about sexual safety. It’s like having a mild case of hay fever that never goes away. It’s not debilitating. You’re not weak. You’re not afraid. You just suck it up and get on with your life. It’s nothing that’s going to stop you from making discoveries, or climbing mountains, or falling in love. Sometimes you can almost forget about it. It doesn’t mean it’s not there, subtly sucking your energy. You learn to avoid situations that make it worse and seek out conditions that make it better.
If a female stranger is wary around you, it is not because she suspects you are a rapist, or that all men are rapists. It’s because a general level of circumspection is what vigilance requires. Don’t take it personally.
If this frustrates you, try to remember that women are blamed for lapsed vigilance. If a woman does get raped, everyone rushes to see where she let her guard down. Was she drinking? Was she alone? Was she wearing a short skirt? Did she go to a strange man’s room for coffee at 4am?
A woman must be seen to be vigilant as well as be vigilant. If she is deemed insufficiently vigilant, she will be at least partly blamed for any sexual violence that befalls her. If she’s regarded as downright reckless, that “evidence” can be used to completely exonerate her rapist. If it comes down to a he said/she said dispute over whether sex was consensual, as so many rape cases do, the dispute becomes a referendum on whether the woman seems like the sort of reckless person who would have sex with a stranger.
If a woman does go back to a strange man’s hotel room at 4am, even if she only wants a coffee and conversation, she’s more or less given him the power to rape her. No jury is going to believe she went up there for anything but sex. So, don’t be surprised if a stranger reacts badly to that suggestion.
—
Attention, Space Cadets: Do Not Proposition Women in the Elevator
I wish I didn’t need to reblog stuff like this. I wish people *got it*. But judging from the ridiculous response to these posts, stuff like this clearly still needs to be repeated.
(via lavender-labia)
This actually made me cry. Ugh.
(via m0nikered)
Will always reblog
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- Mako: Hey, I just met you!
- Mako: And I have a girlfriend so this is crazy!
- Mako: But if you kiss me,
- Mako: I'll kiss you back.
14 notes
Posts that have made me click the 
button
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Please like this post if you are downloading the psd :)
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Because you are all able to put up with me...
talks-in-tongues-and-quiet-sighs:
I decided to take the time and make a master post of everyone here I appreciate/admire.
...
